Its my life! July 28, 2006

Friday evening 8:35 pm.. Okay its almost night.. Here I am, alone in office eating junk which must have added around 1000 calories.. a hard blow to my perpetual diet which perpetually gets broken.. Anyway, its a Friday, and I have nowhere to go, noone to meet and nothing to look forward to… A call home just left me sadder and lonelier.. Sent the Friday mail to my yahoo! groups.. Thats my community of friends I did my MBA with.. I send a mail to the group every Friday.. thats right.. every single Friday.. thats how pathetic I am on a Friday.. Ok, enough of wallowing in self pity..

Lets talk about brighter things.. Hmm lemme see.. hmm.. errr… come onnn, there has to be something.. hmmmm..

Ok lets talk about some things I learnt from my life in Hyderabad…

*Nothing is permanent-Ok, I know someone already said this (was it Socrates?) but I realised its true. And by nothing I mean NOTHING. Not friendship, not contacts, not happiness, not sorrow, not even love.. from family, from friends.. nothing stays forever!

I know I said ’some’ things but after writing the above, I seem to have run out of the other learning.. maybe because it encompasses all.. Yes, that’s my life for the past ten months.. It can be summarised in a sentence or two with lots of commas in between..

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Just something I came across recently.. no, its not my own.

There was a time… July 26, 2006

There was a time when I believed in true happiness.. in happily ever after.. in finding “the one”.. Mr. Right.. but you know what? Welcome to the real world.. All these things are just illuions.. Put out there for you to grab at.. and when you do, it goes further and further out of reach.. finally you jump too high, fall and get hurt.. When I say get hurt, it might seem trivial.. I am talkin big time stuff here.. You could really get hurt, ok!

Stop when you can..

July 18, 2006

Ok, don’t ask me why I put up this pic here… I saw it while listening to the songs in the movie Maja from MusicIndiaOnline

Maybe if I HAVE to come up with some reasons.. Hmmm.. I like Vikram.. and yea.. I kinda like Asin too… she was cute in Ghajini.

Then.. I think they look really nice together and their laughter seems sooo genuine.. especially his..

So there you go.. I should see this movie sometime.. Its a remake of the malayalam movie Thommanum Makkalum.

Lets keep smiling and laughing.. shall we?

Loose Control !!! July 13, 2006

You know how we try to control what’s happening to our lives.. Consciously or not, we dot it.. I know I used to.. Trying to get attention, credit, responsibilities, recognition, appreciation and even love! But then, it just doesn’t work. Because its beyond us.. Now, you may disagree.. and maybe you are right.. but I have tried it and failed miserably..

You know that age old saying… If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, its yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.. Well, I don’t want to comment much on this.. but really, try to let go.. let it loose.. let all those emotions that cluttered your mind free.. clear it.. clean it.. like you clean your house on a weekend, like you do your dishes after dinner.. just clean your mind.. and see how it feels.. all those pent up thoughts were for nothing..

Just because you worry about something or want something to happen very badly, it won’t happen.. Maybe its for the best.. Maybe its better if it never was.. So like I was sayin, let go!! Loose control!!!

I apologise to all those who couldn’t make sense of this.. But it will, someday, I guess..

What am I thinking…? July 11, 2006

Love is a many splendored thing(??). It is beautiful encompassing even the pain, the heartbreaks, the separation, the wait.. Its all part of the package and there is no escape, no running away.

I always thought I was immune to all this, while secretly wishing it would happen some day. Now you may be asking if it did.. well, I realised love happens.. it just.. happens.. all those years of trying to find it and futile efforts of searching through my feelings was just that.. futile! Because love.. just happens.

Now, its all sunshine and joy when you realise this. You are happy or even ecstatic. But what is love if it cannot be shared.. Now thats a thought.

I shed tears thinking about all those who were unable to share it. To all of you out there.. I know the pain and I know how it feels.. Let me take a minute to say sorry to all those who I didn’t let share it with me. I am sorry that I couldn’t make it happen then. But now I know it doesn’t work that way.. Because if it did, then I wouldn’t be writing this now.. And as I was saying…love… just happens…

What would you do? July 7, 2006

If you could be happy… really happy… for just a while, but you knew from the start that it would end in sadness, and bring pain afterwards, would you choose to have that happiness or would you avoid it?

I gave this a lot of thought because I feel this is happening to me right now. But somehow I never got to choose..

Love.. just happens.. without warning.. you would feel you are just the same and then bang! you know things are different forever.. Was the happiness worth the pain that inevitable follows..? Only time can tell…

Let her be.. July 7, 2006

PJ is unhappy and a little upset. She is wondering why and each time the question runs in her head, she gets a collage of thoughts, memories and emotions. So she quickly turns to her computer and stares at it trying to empty her mind and clear her thoughts. Maybe its a break she needs. From the endless routine of things. Of her life. Maybe she shouldn’t let people judge her and tell her what she is. Yes, that has to stop. Taking input thats worse than garbage. Trying to be someone else when she is most comfortable being herself. Who is she to tell me what PJ is and what PJ is thinking? She can choose what she wants because this is her life. PJ will do what she wants and what makes her happy even if she finds it funny or dull or boring or ordinary. Nobody is ordinary in this world. And definitely PJ is not ordinary! She is only trying to discover herself. To know what she wants so that she can go about getting there.

I think we should just.. let her be…

Why do people marry… July 3, 2006

“Because we need a witness to our lives… There are a billion people on this planet.. what does anyone’s life really mean? But, in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything.. the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things…. all of it, all the time, every day.. You’re saying.. your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it… your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness..”

From the movie “Shall We Dance”