Too much mush.. August 30, 2006

Here are some quotes I collected over a few days.. too mushy if you ask me but anyway.. here goes..

“If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: “Because it was he; because it was me.” (Montaigne)

“Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?” (Cinderella)

“Love: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired.” (Mark Twain)

“How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.” (Toni Braxton)

“You wondered how you’d make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see.” (Vanessa Williams)

“There’s this place in me where your finger prints still rest… your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo… It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.” (Anon)

“There’s a girl in my mirror crying tonight, every night, and there’s nothing I can say to make her feel alright.”

“I can’t talk to you anymore, it’s not that I am mad at you, it’s just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more. “

“Me, I’m scared of everything, I’m scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I’m with you.”

“If you’re going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.”

“I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?”

“The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don’t love you back.”

“Sometimes you think you’ve gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you’re just pretending you’re over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.”

“How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had? Why do my tears fall so endlessly for someone who was never really mine? Why is it I miss someone I was never really with? And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?”

“How many tears must I shed to cleanse myself of you?”

Hail the Leo August 30, 2006

Hail the Leos!

“Proud and regal, fiery and determined, the subjects of this cat sign are always a bit larger than life. Leos love to be noticed, admired, and adored. Innately lazy and good-natured, it is often quite difficult for Leo subjects to make an effort to assert themselves. Leos are renowned for being eternal children. Leos are loyal, likable, and often quite lovely people, but they can also be self-indulgent, stubborn, and prone to sulking if they don’t get their own way.They are warm, demonstrative, and theatrical and love pageantry, blitz and glamour. They love adornment of their physical self. When Leos commit themselves to something they go with it for life. Leos are honest in love life. Leos when loved and respected have hearts of gold. But when not loved or when they are not reciprocated they become depressed, self-pitying and self-destructive.”

Well well well.. sounds familiar? Sounds like me!! When all those people told me I am a typical Leo I used to throw tantrums saying I am not.. Looks like I am almost everything mentioned in the above paragraph. Especially the “But when not loved or when they are not reciprocated they become depressed, self-pitying and self-destructive” part. That is so true. I think we are the masters of self pity because of this innate feeling that we are great feeling. Though this is true almost all the time (wink), we are difficult to handle and tend to intimidate people. Thats ok. Meri Number Aayegi .. Now, I hope my Hindi is right!

Proud to be a Leo Woman.

Funeral Blues August 29, 2006

Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Seth Speaks… August 18, 2006

I am currently reading a book called ‘Seth Speaks’ by Jane Roberts. Seth is the spiritual teacher who spoke through the author Jane Roberts while she was in trance. Here are a few excerpts from the ‘Seth Material’ which is a recorded archive of all the things Seth communicated through Jane. Some of the things here alarmingly convincing and though its very difficult to repair and rethink our beliefs, I find myself reflecting on these things a lot.

“Your beliefs form reality. Your individual beliefs and your joint beliefs. Now the intensity of a belief is extremely important…

And, if you believe, in very simple terms, that people mean you well, and will treat you kindly, they will. And, if you believe that the world is against you, then so it will be in your experience. And, if you believe…IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL BEGIN TO DETERIORATE AT 22, then so you shall.”

“It is important that you here realize that you are not at the mercy of the unexplainable, that you are not at the mercy of events over which you have no control whether those events are psychological events or physical ones, in your terms.”

“Events are not things that happen to you. They are materialized experiences formed by you, according to your expectations and beliefs.”

“If you are in poor health, you can remedy it. If your personal relationships are unsatisfactory, you can change them for the better. If you are in poverty, you can instead find yourself surrounded by abundance…”

“This does not mean that effort is not required, and determination. It does mean that you are not powerless to change events; and that each of you, regardless of your position, status, circumstances or physical condition, is in control of your own personal experience.”

“If you do not like your experience, then you must change the nature of your conscious thoughts and expectations.”

“You need to learn the power of thought and emotion… Once you realize that your thoughts form reality, then you are no longer a slave to events. You simply have to learn the methods.”

“Illness and suffering are not thrust upon you by God, or by All That Is (Seth’s Term for God), or by an outside agency. They are by-products of the learning process, created by you, in themselves quite neutral…

Illness and suffering are the results of the misdirection of creative energy. Suffering is not good for the soul unless it teaches you how to not suffer. That is its purpose.”

Food for thought.. Definitely..

Flush out those feelings.. August 18, 2006

Feels great to flush out those toxins.. of bad thoughts, memories and things that were never meant to be.. I am who I am and that’s who I always will be. No matter what others want or even I myself want, some things are beyond our control. I am sure Seth disagrees.. but let’s take the conventional belief for now. The belief of the blisfully ignorant. I have tried to clear my head and I am in the process of rejuvenation. The new and improved me is in the making and I can’t wait to experience myself!

Here is to a bright tomorrow full of sunshine, warmth and love. Here is to burying all my sorrows and burying it deep never to be seen again.

Here is to a new tomorrow!

Q3 Team Dinner – "Our Place" August 15, 2006

“Our Place”.. The beautiful, ethnic restaurant.. cozy, romantic with lush green plants and trees all around.. that’s the place we chose to have Team Fusion Dinner this quarter. The last dinner for the team as a whole…

The theme was ethinicity… so get ready for some desi colours in the following pics..

The organisers.. Sandhya, Amrita (in blue and black), Preeti (in green) and of course yours truly (thats me!) just about the to start off the festivities with a quiz on India.

The quiz in full swing.. Teams listening intently to the question..

The winning team with their prizes while the loosing team boos them from behind..

Prathibha and I with the Nooglers (New Googlers) who joined Fusion recently.

All of us scrambling and gettin ready for a team pic. That’s me with my dessert.. Kulfi and vanilla ice-cream.

The team pic..

Anju and I.. Pic spoilt by Mr. Nuisance Sachin..

Heather and I.. My manager from day one.. taught me a lot and helped me get where I am today.. A bittersweet moment.. She is leaving for the US soon.. Her home and the Mountain View Office beckons.. Will miss you Heather

At 24 August 14, 2006

Birthdays are always nostalgic times for me.. and there is a huge rush in me to make sure everything goes well that day and I am happy and satisified.. well this year didn’t start off well if I go by that.. I cried (for a really silly reason) bang at midnight and though calls and messages from friends poured in, I couldn’t help thinking my life was a huge irony.

Its like this.. I had something fantastic happening in my life and I thought that’s not what I wanted. It was fantastic and I realised it while it was happening. But somehow I was overwhelmed by the feeling that it was not meant for me, however great it was. Then I move on and now I have something am sure I want but strangely, its not working out. The answer to all this is balance. A balance to everything I do in life, my emotions, my work, my activities, even sleep.. Now I am struggling for that balance. I always knew I wasn’t too good at testing my will power and was always comfortable letting things be as they are rather than forcing me to go against them. But now I see how that can go against me. I am left with the constant feeling that I am being taken for granted. I am being used.

And you know why its not pleasant at all? Because I am being intrumental in this happening to me.