For them… September 21, 2006

She was one of the many friends I had who were in love. A senior in college who happened to comment to a classmate that she was pretty. Girls being girls and the hostel being the grapevine headquarters, the news reached her before tea that evening. I still remember her comment: “Who? That bearded fool? What makes him think I will be interested in HIM?” And hence the episode was closed. Or so it seemed.

A month later, there were rumors in the local tea shop that these two were seen kissing in the college corridor. How did the tea shop crowd get to know this? One side of our college building faced it and half the senior citizens in that village had nothing better to do than see what we are upto and more important, who is kissing whom. So the rumor spread and she vehemently denied any such incident. But she did not deny the fact that she was beginning to take a fancy to the ‘bearded fool’.

After struggling to get a summer project in the city, I finally managed one in a not so bad company. Since I had had enough of troubling my folks I decided to stay with friends and share the cost of living for the three months I was there. That’s how I happened to share that tiny two room house with her. The ‘bearded fool’ was making constant visits and sleeping over most of the days. I was amazed and surprised at how the relationship had grown. She was totally in love and they were together for sure. Always holding hands and whispering and laughing together. I was happy for her and felt amazed at the fact that she was ready to face her parents who were sure to oppose this relationship. She seemed mentally prepared to take their questions and make them agree. “if not, I will just move in with him and I will be with him through thick and thin. I can never leave my guy”. Good, I thought.

The phone call came when I was going for a friend’s birthday party. I was in the auto with two other friends and we were stuck in the merciless Hyderabad traffic. We exchanged the normal hi and how are you and where are you, after which she said she had something to say. Its marriage! I was so happy and said wow! When is it? Her reply was “its not with bearded fool”. I didn’t speak for the next three minutes or so. I think she gave me an explanation stating the reason and even said I know the groom. He is one of the many strangers I know. I know him as a stranger. She met him through the same means as I did. I didn’t take it forward whereas she did. And look where it ended up! I clearly said I won’t be coming for the marriage. But definitely I wish her all happiness. I really do.

Do all relationships end like this? What about all those years? All those things they shared? Gone? What was the point then? Though I have never been in a relationship, I have always reveled in the presence of love. I thought that when I was around them. Guess I was wrong. Why is this so difficult for me to take? I was just a by stander. I felt I owed that wasted love atleast a post in this blog. I am sure her diary pages are torn out where it talks about ‘them’ and I don’t blame her. So here is to ‘them’ and a relationship that was never meant to be.

Guys, this should help… September 11, 2006

Call me mushy, call me feminine, call me silly, call me dumb, call me emotional, call me anything.. but let one gal come up to me and say this is not what she wants and I will delete this post

Surya and Jyothika get married September 11, 2006

I know it seems very filmy putting up this pic here. It’s not like these people are family. Well, here is the story behind it. When I was around 16, I had this humonguous crush on Ajith. Very very strong. Of course, those were the Vaali days. Then Shalini, she came in through Aniyathipravu and people started sayin she looks like me. So, somewhere inside, I started feeling she is family, maybe a distant cousin I have never met but heard about a lot. Surya of course managed to win me over with his sprint on the beach for ‘Uyirin Uyirae‘ and Jyo is oh so cute! Anyway, they got married and I wish they are really really happy with each other. (Should say at this point that I DID NOT take it lightly when Shalini got married to Ajith. Totally hated her then. Now, I wish them happiness too).

Oh my God!! The picture changed!!! Could be becuz I added a URL from a website. The original pic was of Surya and Jyo in their wedding garbs flanked by Ajith and Shalini. I think I will not make any changes here. It should be fun to have a dynamic pic in my blog!!

Things are not the way they seem… September 11, 2006

I am supposed to be in the gym now.. Doing the normal 5km walk on the treadmill.. Just didn’t feel like going today for a lot of reasons (read excuses). I had dry runs the whole day and was standing majority of the time. Taking feedback, making sure the same mistake wasn’t repeated.. Phew, tiring. But exciting of course.. Then I feel like my throat is sore, with all the talking I had to do. My new batch is tomorrow and I am so ecstatic! But yea, I am deviating from the topic here, if the title can be taken as the official topic of the post. Things are not the way they seem.. hmm..

You know how all of us have this tendency to compare.. Oh yeah! We all do it, consciously, unconsciously, semi consciously, however you might want to call it. I know I do it too.. Quite a bit. But there is something we just fail to realise, or conveniently forget. The grass is always greener on the other side. This is not just a saying, this is true, to the last letter. We might look at two people and thing they are truly happy together and they are so lucky to have each other. But exactly is happening between them is something only they would know and something that may not be all that pleasant if it is actually happening to us. Yes, you are right, I didn’t pick this example from the air, I actually saw this happen to a good friend of mine. There were times when I actually thought she had it made and her life is something to envy about. But turns out that things are not always the way they seem. As imperfect as it might seem, as unhappy it might seem and as single as I might be, I can only be truly happy in this situation I am in. I can never be happy with someone else’s mister right. Because its just not meant for me. My happiness is something I create and its meant for me and just me.

So before we think “why don’t I have that?” or “why can’t my wife think like that?” lets give it some thought. Things are the way they are because that’s the best for us and that’s the one situation that we will be truly happy in. Me? I am happy, really!!

Silent Night.. September 8, 2006

The moon is beautiful tonight..just like my mind.. it feels calm.. and at

peace… after so many days.. i think i will be able to sleep better

tonight.. I have this urge to write like all those people.. who use

metaphors that were unheard of till date.. an attempt to differ and be

classified as one who writes well.. I was never good at that suff..

obscure essays were just not me.. I was always blatant in my prose and the

only help I took are these dots.. that separate on emotion from other..

separate yet connected.. the flow was there.. one thought to the next and

then.. the next..Now I understand the nuances of the mind..

There is something I have been giving a lot of thought to recently.. All

these years, I used to have strong opinions about various things like

suicide, or marriage or one-sided love. These opinions were formed by a

novice.. someone who didn’t know better. Now I feel like I have seen so

much more.. Now I know how a person feels before taking his/her own life..

not that I have tried it, I never will, but I understand the emotion

behind it and the driving force.. that moment when everything seems so

pointless and life itself becomes a burden.. in that one single moment,

one forgets who she is and blindly gives into this overwhelming feeling to

end it all.. and its not a personal decision made at that point of time,

but more of a giving in, to something mostly sub-conscious.. But having

said this, I still feel its a foolish thing to do and strongly feel that

it takes lesser strength to overcome those few minutes than it takes to

actually go through with it..

I am currently reading “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” by John

Gray. A book much talked about but one I never had a chance to lay hands

on. Our Google online library had it and there it is lying on the floor

next to me.. I just read the introduction and I kinda liked it.. talks

about relationship between men and women and how it needs constant working

upon cuz of their differences. The intro says “Once upon a time, Martians

and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together

because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to

earth and amnesia set in: They forgot they were from different planets.”

Quite an interesting start I should say. Honestly, I have never completely

read a non-fiction book but this one is supposed to be a page turner..

hmmmm.. lesee..

“I don’t know what it is.. that makes me feel like this.. I don’t know who you are.. but you must be some kind of Superstar.. ‘Cuz you got all eyes on you no matter where you are..”

Training Team Dinner September 1, 2006

I should say this quarter was pretty neat in one way. I had the chance to attend two Team Dinners…

The first one was with Team Fusion at Our Place.

The second one with the Training Team. It was organised in a hurry at Serengeti which is an awesome jungle restaurant in Banjara Hills. Serengeti is part of the famed Ohri’s chain of restaurant and has a beautiful jungle theme. Its perfect for a date Oh, by the way, this was also a farewell to Brian who was an integral part of setting up the training team here in Hyderabad.

Brian had no idea what we had in store for him. That’s Maya leading him to his surprise.

Well.. the surprise was the garland!!!!

That’s Joel and Brian looking really happy in their tube rose garlands. Don’t they look happy together

That’s Mayuri and I with Brian. Its a little sad that we didn’t get to work with him much but just knowing him for a couple of weeks was amazing. We miss you Brian