Yes, we are mostly safe August 27, 2007

Saturday evening was quite disturbing. I know that India is a place where riots are common and we hear it about, read about it and see it happen now and then. But to have it happen in the city that you live in, that’s a different feeling altogether. We were just watching general Saturday night TV when the news flashed before us. It was devastating to see a place that’s so familiar, being shown on TV in such a tragic setting. I have walked through Lumbini park, sat on those steps, had pav bhaji there and taken the train tour. Its one of the first places I think about when anyone visits from outside the city. Its sad to realise that it was chosen as ‘the spot’ for almost similar reasons.

Then the book stalls in Koti. I have heard so much about them but never got around to visiting the place cuz of the distance from home. Now I guess it will never be the same to go there, even though life may resume as normal in a couple of weeks. Can a mother feel totally safe sending her kids to Lumbini park for a relaxing evening? Would she feel at peace knowing that they are shopping for books in Koti?

There is a underlying feeling of gloom and nervousness. The fear of the unknown.

The saddest part is, there is no answer to the question ‘why?’ And I hate such questions.

All my friends and colleagues are safe. Thanks to all those who messaged and called, to find out about me.

August 20, 2007

I have never felt to empty and de-motivated before. I sit before the comp but don’t feel like or even remember the things I am supposed to do. I just sit and stare.

Sometimes identifying the issue can be more difficult than figuring out the solution.

Whatever, eh? August 16, 2007

* I feel bloated most of the time. As in, like I have put on a lot of weight. Maybe I have, but never used to get this feeling so much. Think its cuz of absolute lack of exercise and too much junk in office. I think I have cribbed about my hair and my weight a taaaaad too much in here, sorry my ever-forgiving readers. If I have crossed the line this time, please feel free to abuse me through a comment.

Immediately after typing the above paragraph, I went for a walk around the office building. Feel slightly better now.

* I realised over the past week that I have too many clothes. This situation, strangely, gives me a very low feeling. Why? Cuz that means I can’t buy more clothes guilt-free. I think I accumulated too many recently when I had to get some formal shirts, trip to Dublin, then all the Google tees that we got, the salwars I got from back home.. Sheesh. So its no clothes for the rest of the year. To add to my agony, all the malls are on a sale in Hyderabad at this time!

* I am spending a little too much time on my cooking blog these days. The reason: feeling of guilt for neglecting it for over two months cuz of travelling for work, mostly. This is freaking me out. If this is the way I choose to get over neglect-guilt, then it might go dangerous. Why? What if I feel I have been negecting house-work for too long and quit my job or something. Ok, that was a little too much even for me. You are right, I should just chill. (That reminds me, I need some good plates and stuff to photograph the food. I only have steel plates now. Probably those colorful yet cheap stuff we find in Shilparamam)

* Really really looking forward to the weekend. Have some random stuff to do and then planning a movie. Rush Hour 3. Ok ok I know. But we didn’t get tickets to Transformers or Chak De. And we really need a break, Prat and I. We sat at home entire 2 days last weekend and Aug 15th holiday too.

Am I losing my blogger touch? (shudder). Or is it just me who finds this post utterly dull, boring and lacking in any humour what-so-ever?

Girl Talk August 9, 2007

You know something I realized as I was coming down the stairs with my mirchi bajji from deli 9 counter in office? Oh, by the way, I am not a mirchi bajji lover in particular but since I had to choose from that and the delightfully sinful chocolate cake available there, I had to go for the less-evil option (and the fact that all of this is available free, does not help matters!). Anyway, coming back to my original realisation. I realised that I no longer feel pretty. Now, feeling pretty is different from being pretty. And you may have read my previous cribbings about some related issues (read: the time I freaked out when my hair started curling back after straightening), but this is a more serious issue. I no longer feel pretty.

I was thinking back to those days (not that long ago) when I used to feel that people are giving me appreciative looks, or am getting complements when I wear something new, or nice. These days, this never happens. I mean, I still wear new stuff on and off, I still do my eyes, wear lip gloss on a special feel-good day, but its been really long since I felt anything.

Am I growing old or is it just a phase?

Of illnesses, docs, hospitals June 28, 2007

To state the obvious, yes, I am back!

A little unwell, had to do a minor surgery, a bigger one waiting. I am not looking forward to that (not that anyone waits for themselves to be cut up!)

So here is why I am even more wary of docs now. Went to a particular, popular hospital in Hyderabad to figure out what the heck was causing some pain. The casualty doc inspected it and mumbled something incorrigible. Adding to my already mounding tension, he said he will call the surgeon. Surgeon? Why surgeon? Anyway, in came the surgeon with a huge fake grin and some friendly questions which I am sure he asked everyone, not really caring about the answer. Question number 3 was ‘where do you work?’. The answer lit up his face and I am sure question number 4 was impromptu. “You are covered under corporate insurance, aren’t you?” I tried to think through the pain and think I nodded to the affirmative. That’s when he took more interest in my ‘case’ and gave me a wider, faker (I don’t care if that’s not a word, it suits the situation) grin! He asked me to get admitted immediately and sent me to the admission counter. I sleepwalked to the admission counter but was fully woken up when the guy there (after a couple of under-the-desk, subtle conversations with the afore mentioned surgeon) told me that the entire procedure would cost 35k. Now that made me really wonder what the heck was wrong with me? They didn’t charge half that much to cut one up and take a baby out. Why is this so expensive? 2 phone calls home cleared up the doubt I already had in my head. Mister surgeon was trying to get some money out of the insurance company to probably buy himself a TV that would finally make every room in his house have one.

I came back home spending a lot on flights and stuff. I didn’t trust that guy anymore. Even if he is a better surgeon that Dr. Sankaran, a family friend, who not only refused any consulting charge, but also promised to answer the phone any time in case I had any questions. I doubt it, though.

NB: In case any docs are reading this (Rosh?), aren’t you guys making enough money? The unsuspecting, happily oblivious laymen like me really really look up to you for comfort and relief when we are sick. Please please don’t take advantage of us. Amen.

Saturation? Anyone? May 25, 2007

I miss mom. Coming back after a tired day and cribbing to her about a headache. Demanding that she bring me leftover lunch on a plate guessing exactly how hungry I am and bringing just the right amount of rice. She always used to go one step ahead and heat the curry for me. I am feeling all nostalgic about home, Kottayam, the broken roads, the humidity, the language, the horny men, KK Road, aaaaaarghhh.

I want to go home, I want to go home so bad. I know I sound like a little girl throwing tantrums. But I want to go back to that life. Of no responsibilites, of not having to worry abut personal loans, landlords giving us notice periods, shifting houses, maids, quality of trainees, rude cable operators, dirty floor, clothes that might get wet in the rain, leaking roofs. Wow! I never had to worry about any of this. Look at me now! I don’t want to grow up. I feel I am in no-man’s land now. Pretty much no direction, just living each day as it comes, doing what my employer demands of me, eating junk, sleeping and the whole routine starts again.

Not having someone to care for is worse than not having someone to take care of you.

Wow, that last sentence can be understood only if you are smart!

Homesickness at its worst. Saturation too.

Things Worrying/Bugging/Bothering Me Now March 28, 2007

1. I am losing hair. Still! When I complained about this to mom (the one and only human being who has an answer or explanation to any confusions I have, even now) last September, she said its because of the cold weather, its the season of hairfall and not to worry cuz that will only lead to more hair fall. So there I was, for the past 6 months, trying not to think about it (which only made me think and worry more, actually). Now its stifling hot in Hyderabad and my hair still doesn’t seem to want to stick by me, literally!

2. I am still very badly jetlagged. And no, I am not writing this to remind you that yay! I went to the US and you didn’t. Trust me, its terrible. The jetlag I mean. I even went to Wikipedia and confirmed that it actually is jetlag and to see if they have any remedies (god, what will I do without the Internet?). Apparently sleep is the remedy. But dude!! That is the issue. I am looking for a solution for not getting any sleep!!!

3. I had planned to go home in May when sis comes with her kids. But now the plans have changed. Her daughter is in the Xth this year and she has special classes and stuff. Also, my bro is coming down in July so we have decided to meet up then. Now the problem is, there is another 3 months before July and I don’t want to wait that long. I don’t want to go home without bro or sis there. Sheesh, I don’t leave much options open do I? I wanna go home in May and I want everyone there!! I do I do I do. (I wish I could go back to those days when tantrums worked your way)

4. I am not losing weight. (Don’t want to write more cuz I am walking a thin line here, I have cribbed waaaaaaay too much about this here)

5. A very good friend is in the middle of a bad phase in her life and I feel for her, have nightmares for her, hurt for her and everything in between. Love you loads and you deserve all the happiness that is coming your way!

6. Amma has a bad knee. She has been in pain ever since I can remember. I don’t like it. In fact, I hate it. Mom is one of the most active persons I know and if anything has dampened her spirits, its her bad knee. Now the pain has spread to the second knee too and I keep thinking about it, wishing I could wish it away. She is petrified that its hereditary and I will get it too so I take calcium tabs. Don’t worry amma, I take them regularly, just like you told me to.

7. I obsess too much about my blog. Did I mention I am getting tired of the black template now? I haven’t started the search for another one yet but yeah I am thinking about it. I am looking for a three-column blogger beta template. Anyone who has suggestions of websites that have any good templates will be much thanked.

Yahoo! India and Plagiarism March 6, 2007

I get very disturbed when my trust is broken. As a defense mechanism, I sometimes try to pretend nothing happened. I read about Yahoo! India plagiarising here some time back. Though there was enough evidence to prove this, I somehow chose to ignore this. Didn’t discuss it with anyone, not even close friends. It felt like someone in my family did something totally unacceptable and I had to protect it, however disgraceful it was. Now why this affinity to Yahoo! you may ask. Nothing more than the fact that I have been using Yahoo! Mail forever now and still use it for most of my personal emails (though gmail is so much more user-friendly). Anyway, the story about Yahoo! keeps spreading day by day and today I found another post in one of my favourite blogs Malabar Spices.

This is indeed so disappointing. Their excuse is that their subcontractors copied the posts and they didn’t directly have anything to do with it. But is that an excuse? The plagiarised stuff came in the Yahoo! domain right? So they are responsible for it.

This is not a post that’s meant to publicise this whole issue. Its not even meant to say that I am glad I work with Google and am proud of their ‘Do No Evil’ motto. Its just to reflect my disappointment. In the fact that a company like Yahoo! would do something like this.

Will you believe it if I say I am still not convinced they actually did do this?

Thoughts, anyone?