Mistakes I normally make while typing and what makes me a fan of proof-reading August 30, 2007

What I type: In case you are interested in donating some boobs to the local school..
What I want to say: In case you are interested in donating some books to the local school..

What I type: Wow! That close-up shit looks awesome!
What I want to say: Wow! That close-up shot looks awesome! (imagine me putting up the typo as a comment in a food blog about someone’s proud food pic! I could redefine disaster that way!)

What I type: The jerks that come along with the job seem pretty interesting
What I want to say: The perks that ….

And I could have potentially made these mistakes in one single day.. proof-read!! That’s the way to go

Now thats what I call a survey answer May 29, 2007

The trainers in our team send out surveys at the end of each session. Here are some ‘commendable’ answers we got.

Q: Comments on the training program and how it can be made better.

A: Refer to Q3.

Q: What are the areas of improvement that you think your trainer can work on?

A: Please forgive me for being frank. She is perfect! (Of course you are forgiven Sweety!)

Q: What was the most difficult portion in training.

A: Everything was difficult. I don’t remember anything much. (And they expect me to get sleep after this!)

Q: Who was your trainer?

A: I think her name is …… but I am not sure how it is pronounced. She kept saying it so fast. (Oh my God!!)

..more coming soon..

And I thought I was the one who was nice.. May 14, 2007

Recently met up with S while in Gurgaon. His roomy A is a malayali and was in the Hyderabad office until he relocated recently to Gurgaon.

S: Hey N, how come you never really talk to A? You guys are both mals right? I have never seen you talk..

N: (in a wise tone, or so the thought) Well S, here is something that you need to know about mals. They treat others mals terribly, especially when they are out of Kerala. Why, when we pass each other in the corridor, we look through each other. I don’t know why he thinks I should be ignored. Donno what’s wrong, seriously.

S: (looking quite wondestruck and obviously I had to think it was cuz of my wise words till he said) Wow N, this is amazing. This is exactly what he said when I asked him why you guys never talked. Exactly. Its amazing how each one of us think we are different from the pack, eh?

N: (feeling quite speechless) he did? ohh.. (quickly thinking of why she should have been the one to be talked to first) But I was new in office and he never really spoke to me unless….

Bottom line? This is the reason why mals are not nice to each other outside our state. We think the other is not nice and wants to ignore us, and we feel we are doing everything right. Atleast we are united in this feeling.

Sigh (and to think I am not even a proper mal except for the fact that I grew up in Kerala. Trust me on this, the place you grow up in makes you into who you are, not your ancestral descent. This goes out to all those people who claim they’re part of the Royal Family. No use guys, were you brought up in Chandighar, or Delhi, or Maharashtra, or Kerala? Then that’s it. That’s who you are)

Thursday Thirteen #2 April 27, 2007

13 ideas I had for Thrusday Thirteen #2 before I settled on this one

1. My weekend in 13 steps (got stuck after step 4)

2. 13 things that influenced me as a kid (I was so overwhelmed thinking about it that I quickly moved on to the next idea)

3. 13 things I want to do before I die (turns out I really don’t have that many things I wanna do and when I found myself repeating ‘travelling’ for the third time, I gave up the idea)

4. 13 things about my family (some things are best left unsaid)

5. 13 food items I love (its almost impossible to pick out 13 and when I started cramming more stuff into one point category-wise.. yeah you are right, I gave up)

6. 13 steps to a good blog (didn’t think I was qualified to go on after point 6)

7. 13 blogs I read regularly (there are more than 13 and I didn’t want to pick a few)

8. 13 reasons why I love blogging (I got so excited while writing this that each point was a paragraph, didn’t have the heart to publish it)

9. 13 reasons why Google is the best! (Come on, everyone knows this anyway, we all love Google right? They even pay me at the end of every month so I really love them )

10. 13 things I want to do when I get my own apartment (this I think qualifies for a post. Needs more thought!)

11. 13 reasons why I can’t come up with a good idea for Thursday Thirteen.

12. 13 reasons why I love potted plants (??? this is when I knew it was getting out of hand and that I had to do something quick!)

13. And finally, I emerged smarter, funnier and more successful than you would have thought! Haah!

A Love Letter March 9, 2007

This is a mail I received from a ‘fan’ who visited my blog. Its quite hilarious, really. And man! this guy has patience. (My comments in italics)

“Hi, cutie (hehe). I liked your blog very much. I am searching for ages if some girl talks something interesting like this like you. We should not marry some fellow because our big fellows found the guy interesting or admirable based on their relationship or lover centered on his big fellows. Your comment on your personal affair shows that you are a mature girl in a psychological sense. By not marrying a guy shown by your mother, you are giving a great chance to fellows like me to court you. I am a dreamer and writer and I am searching for a damsel of beauty and intelligence for the last four years to marry immediately and plunge myself in the dreamy world of passionate life with my spouse (whoah, sounds steamy) . Now I think that I am a fool compared to you because I loved many girls and expressed my love to them in a clear way asking them if they can consider me. I put my profile on some marriage sites also and nobody contacted me so far (Maybe cuz they have no idea what they are missing out on??). You know I am an admirer of exceptional female beauty and admirable human qualities. This does not mean that I test my girl a hundred times (uhh, what tests?) before accepting to marry her.

I think that many girls living in India are basically good and so there is no need of fuss of checking them a hundred times (checking them??!). It is fate that unites us with some fellow and so we need not be too cautious to choose somebody. I am also waiting to marry and see if you are competent to match my expectations (hmm yeah, I may not really be able to live up to them). The only two important criteria are exceptional beauty and considerable level of intelligence. It is fine if she has good character also (Oh, I am so glad you don’t mind) How can I check whether she is a good girl or not? A girl or a boy can lead a nasty unethical life and still pose like a living god or goddess when it comes to impressing others to achieve something. I am a pure bachelor and I did not touch any girl so far because I want to be a reliable and admirable husband to my wife who many come into my life at any time. Then, can I prove her my purity as a bachelor if she really wants to check me thoroughly (no comments!). This is the problem to a good boy in the present society. A woman can bear with a fellow who smokes and drinks occassionaly but she cannot tolerate if she sleeps with many beyond her knowledge. I mean no good girl likes a fellow with a track record of premarital and extramarital affairs (I dont know what these girls think of themselves, do you?). I am looking for a great girl in look, character and outlook and I could not attract any girl toward me so far. Please help me in this regard if you can because we seem to have slightly similar mentality (now, what did I miss here?). Anyway, please accept my hearthy congratulations for thinking like a good girl does. I mean somebody with an appreciable character cannot accept anybody that fast. I told my parents that they cannot find a suitable bride for me and so to leave the issue to my lot. Beauty of body and quality of character are important for me and I need to search thoroughly to find my dream girl. You know my asset as a person (uh? wha? whaat?). I have a web site reading which a girl can easily understand me as a person and writer. Please check it. Consider me as your suitor if you are not deep in love with somebody already. What is wrong in giving a chance to a good fellow like me to love and marry you (I am speechless!) I am sorry if this message hurt you. I feel that a writer should be frank and honest in sharing his heart with a good girl like you. Do you consider me a bad fellow? I hope not. Bye sweet cute lovely girl (blush blush)!!! “

The Bangalore Train Journey February 28, 2007

This is the story of a smart young girl (no points for guessing who) who went to Bangalore by train last weekend. She met a few ineteresting, good, bad, ugly people during this journey.

Girl Mistake #1

Buys tamarind rice for 12 bucks from Kacheguda Railway Station

6:27pm – Train arrives

6:35pm – Girl takes her seat, quite happy that she got herself a lower berth

Shy Guy enters – 6:47pm

Girl checks out Shy Guy, slightly worried whether he is going to be in the opposite lower berth. Shy Guy totally ignores Girl, takes out his phone and makes a call, smiling shyly at intervals.

Girl switches on her music and stares out the window, hoping some family joins them, even if that means 2 pesky kids come along.

Prayer unanswered. Enter Cute Guy at 6:56pm. He checks out Girl (or so she wants to believe) and sits next to Shy Guy. Before Girl gets a chance to confirm that Cute Guy is actually cute, disaster strikes. Enter Loud Guys 1 and 2. The kinds who are friends but look strikingly similar, have white cell phones and wear pink and purple striped tee shirts (wide vertical stripes). And brown hair. Girl’s hopes of a family joining her is nipped in the bud.

Girl Mistake #2

Checks out Cute Guy a tad too much. Now he thinks he is Shah Rukh Khan (or whoever else you think is good looking) and has an arrogant expression. Sheesh.

Loud Guys 1 and 2 check out Girl (this time she doesn’t want the attention). Girl stares out the window and pretends to be with Shy Guy (remember him?)

Girl Mistake #3

Fishes out her notepad and writes down stuff furiously, hoping to turn it into a funny blog post later (No, she is not crazy, just very very passionate). Now that just seems to be getting more attention from Loud Guys 1 and 2, weird look from Shy Guy and a disinterested yawn from Cute Guy (who cares about him anymore)

Girl quickly puts her notepad away, tries to eat her tamarind rice, realises it too sour (and has pieces of hair in it), gets Shy Guy’s help (suddenly he seems cuter than Cute Guy) to throw the rest out the window and continues to pretend she is with him, secretly waiting for Loud Guys 1 and 2 to sleep.

Here ends the story Girl had written down in her notepad. The story has no specific ending but it has an epilogue. The fate of each one of the characters.

Cute Guy: Has an early dinner, gives another disinterested look at Girl and goes to sleep on his upper birth.

Shy Guy: His name is Venkat, he works with Wipro and offered to buy Girl dinner when he goes to get some for himself from the next station. Girl politely declines.

Loud Guys 1 and 2: They happened to be brothers, had a large amount of tamarind rice (homemade) with them and insisted Girl share it with them. They were nice people who definitely were loud and probably didn’t speak english, but so what? Their mom’s tamarind rice was amazing (minus hair).

Girl: Broke every rule in the first few lessons taught by her mom. Don’t talk to strangers in trains, don’t accept food from strangers (it was also painted on the train wall), try not to travel alone by night (she gave up on that one long back so it doesn’t count as a rule anymore). Probably she was lucky this time that Shy Guy didn’t turn out be a serial rapist and Loud Guys 1 and 2 didn’t dope her and try to steal her stuff.

Or maybe the world is a better place than we all think.

The End

Thinking In Subway February 12, 2007

Fiday 9th Feb 2007

This should prove that I am a truly addicted blogger. Truly Madly Deeply addicted

I am in Subway now, waiting for my friend (a girl, boooooring. Hmm.. she is not boring, the idea of it not being a guy) to join me. The chikken tikka subs for the two of us are waiting in front of me on a tray. The familiar smell of freshly baked bread, the many sauces they miraculously make and the characteristic ’subway smell’ keeps me company on this Friday evening when most of Hyderabad’s population (atleast the ones who eat subs otherwise) are either partying, pubbing, or spending time with family. I don’t fall under any of this category.

Coming back to Subway, I hugely enjoy their stuff. We normally get their daily specials that cost 50 bucks (+4 bucks tax), well worth the money. Fresh, yummy, healthy (-er than other normal stuff we eat when we eat out), and for 54 bucks you have a complete meal. Neat. One brand I totally endorse. One thing I am glad Hyderabad changed in me.

OK, a cute guy just walked in. Hmmm.. he is walking towards the non-veg counter. Good so far.

Cute Guy: “Right now err you err what errr (stares at the menu board on the wall)

Me (thinking): “hmm he is just confused about what to have”

Subway guy: “Yes sir, what would you like to have today” (he is taught that, thats why he sounds so sophisticated and all that)

Cute Guy (curling his lips and thinking harder than required): “Hmm.. I think errr chiken hmm err meat gulp gulp balls?”

Me (thinking) : “Time to shift chairs and sit facing the road”

NB: Cute Guy (who isn’t even that cute if you look more than twice) just left. With two subs. Damn!

One Roomy To Another… June 21, 2006

This is the story of two young men, Suhel Banerjee and Amrith Shankar, who were brought together by fate, destiny, whatever you choose to call it. Now, it is time for one of them to leave and let’s see what they have to say to each other.

Here is the edited version of a chat conversation I had with Suhel. Let’s see what he says:

“Like a possessive roomie I must say, he is a really simple guy, very innocent and one of the nicest human beings I have seen”

“He is more finicky and cleanliness freak than most women I have seen. He will not let you watch TV after your dinner is done unless you go and wash the plates and dishes right then and come back and sit down. He will show you the biriyani rice grains which you dropped during your last trip to the kitchen and you will dutifully pick them up again and take them to the dustbin (where they belong according to him).”

(Hahaha, imagine Suhel picking up the rice he dropped and putting it in the dustbin with a sheepish grin on his face. Don’t forget Amrith is standing over him like a second grade teacher!)

Moving on…

“If u plan to watch late night show /world cup, you need to inform him before leaving office and he will sleep in some other room”

“…and then the happiness on his face when he opens the carrier with more or less the same items everyday but still he is as excited as if its a new delicacy he discovers daily!”

(This I can vouch for.. Amrith is extremely happy with the carrier dinner he has every night)

Hold on.. More from Suhel…

“When he is in a happy mood, he will sing “tota merei tota tu to meri ho gayi” with the precise pitch changes at the right places…and when he is happier he will sing even cheaper hindi songs which everyone but him have forgotten..”

(I have heard him sing this song, and trust me, its not pleasant!)

“..you will sit down with him to watch the latest hindi/tamil blockbuster taken from the rented cd shop..and as soon as your favorite song starts he will fast forward it, coz he thinks there shud not be any songs in movies….and yet, since you know he is such a sweetheart you wont feel like telling him to play the song, coz the face he will make is exactly like a lil kid who is being forced to study:)…”

(Awwww, isn’t this sweet?)

“…yeah, he will call you ( or atleast me) fat monster and a zillion other horrible names and the next moment he will pull my leg by the funniest of stuff I have ever heard…. like:big shot, bas tu to ab google ka ceo ban gaya..”

Apparently Amrith always tells Suhel how he treats him..These are the words used by Amrith, quoted by Suhel..

“you know he , bloody big shot, comes in the middle of the night with all the women, and opens the door and find me sleeping on the floor. Then he kicks me and say s “joota saaf kar (clean my shoes)” and then asks his gals to kick me too. Servant hu mein, servant.” Then he goes to sleep and puts me in one corner of the kitchen and he makes merry and locks the kitechen door” just because he is a big shot with laptop and blackberry he can do all this”

” mein to ordinary worker hoon, mera roomie ka servant. bas roz office jata hu, ads karta hu, poor quality. emails bhejta, more poor quality. And everyone talks to me coz I am Suhel’s roomie. Mr wikipedia ban gaya hai na. Big shot pura. I am a dog in front of the big man”

“…And every day we are so embarassed coz we discuss about these things and somethings a lil worse, and then we see the drawing room window open and an auntie cooking in the kitchen right opposite…and we scout for cover..”

(Hahaha.. this is the funniest conversation between them)

Suhel: “ha ha ha, remembering all this I am also actually laughing out loud, but at the same time feeling really bad. Will be missing him loads. He is an amazing human being, and believe me it really does’nt require much to keep him happy. The smallest things in life bring a smile to his face.”

(Lets wipe our tears and see what Amrith has to say)

Amrith: he’s a nice human being..adjustable..we never had any fights in one year.. I know its gonna be tough.. it feels nice to hear what he feels about me…Sometimes, we don’t even meet each other for days, but the best part is, not once did we have anything close to a fight or a sulking”

(That’s it from Amrith and that the most emotion he has ever shown..)